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I’ve reached a point in my life where the negative effects of my PTSD have become unbearable. The effects of the PTSD have costed me a great deal of loss and grief in my life. I  have suffered from PTSD since my childhood, and the traumatic experiences haven’t stopped. I have never really stopped to face the darkness within. I’ve tried running as far away as I can from triggers, but the negativity, the anxiety, and the depression doesn’t ease up, they only get worse with time. I have to do something extreme to try and change my life while I’m still alive fighting the internal war.

Some people may call me weak, but unfortunately men are almost 4 times more likely in my age group to commit suicide than women are. Not to downplay the effects that mental health has on females, I’m just stating that men don’t usually seek help and change until it’s too late because of the embarrassment. We need to change that as a society, on average we lose 130 people a day in the US to suicide. Mental health is hella important. In my opinion our current system of therapist and pharmaceuticals doesn’t help like most people need.

I have a fundamental belief that our lack of time spent in nature unplugged from the rat race is detrimental to our mental health. I’ve been lucky enough to hike some spectacular trails all over the West coast over the past decade, and my time spent in nature has been the most peaceful times of my life. I intend to section hike the PCT from the Oregon/Ca line to the Canadian border. I’ve always dreamed of going on an adventure like this. I just hope that when I am done that I’ll be a completely different person. I don’t know what else to do to try and save my own life anymore.

I seriously feel like this is my only hope to learn how to deal with the internal war that rages daily inside of my mind. Though all of that time to do nothing but think while hiking scares me to death, to be completely honest. I know that I’ve got to go through some pain that I’ve been trying to avoid for quite a while. I hope to learn to love myself, to have self compassion and to learn how to believe in myself a lot more. I’m tired of the hopelessness, the depression, the pain, the grief, and the regrets. I already regret not doing something drastic to try and change my life sooner.

I look forward to meeting other nature lovers on the journey, I hope to establish some amazing lifetime friendships with other like minded people. I also look forward to trying to get in touch with my soul. I just want to learn how to heal from everything, and I’ve got a lot of pain and grief that I want try and get out. I really hope that this adventure improves my quality of life, and teaches me to be present in the moment and enjoy life like I would love to. I want to change everything, I really hope that Mother Nature can help me heal once and for all.

It’s time to win the war that rages within. I only want to experience love and pure happiness. I need to find my good vibes. I’m giving this all that I’ve got left. I just hope that this works. Safe travels to all of the others out there who are in my shoes. Please don’t be embarrassed to ask for help, before it’s too late.

I chose to join a hike with HIKE for Mental Health to help stamp out the stigma of mental illness and conserve wilderness trails.

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Chris Wanderlost. Pct Oregon to Canada -2021.