Day 28: Cascadilla and Fall Creek Gorge
Today my adventure took me to the place where it all began, Ithaca! I moved to Ithaca 19.5 years ago, and I had been to Buttermilk and Treman state parks as a kid, but I never even knew about Cascadilla or Fall Creek Gorge. My first apartment was on Linn Street and every day I would spend time in these gorges swimming, meditating, sitting with friends and new people I would meet along the paths. It was a magical summer that I've never gotten over or recovered from. I knew after that Summer the person I was came from Candor, but the person I was going to become was from Ithaca.
As someone who has dealt and continues to deal with mental health issues, I can honestly say these waterfalls have helped heal more than anything else in my life. I have sat in and next to every single one of these falls for hours and just watched them. I know the sounds they make throughout the seasons and I know what the look like at 3am. The Sim Redmond Band has a song called "Life is Water" and I get it. "We've come a long way, we've seen hard times, But through it all we stood tall, side by side. And together we still stand, and the love in our hearts set us free again."
Day 25: Tuller Hill State forest
Not much to say about this hike. Most of the leaves were gone off the tree and the trail was egh. I am very grateful I got out into the woods and got another 4.6 miles. Oh actually it was at this hike when I reached my 50 mile goal for October so that was awesome!
Day 21: My biggest day/hike in October. Today I hiked the Cayuga Trail in Ithaca, NY it was my longest hike so far this month at 11.2 miles and it took it's tole on my feet. I listened to two audiobooks while I was hiking that I have found to be very beneficial in my journey with Mental Health. The first book is called The Body Keeps Score and discusses how the trauma that we suffer in our life is stored up in our bodies and plays out in our physical health. This book has taught me a lot about mental health and how to deal with setbacks in a more constructive matter than before. The second book I have been listening to is called the Happiness Trap and it has taught me a lot about living with mental health issues. This book teaches the reader how to live with Mental Health issues instead of trying to beat the issues into submission. It has helped me recognize that when I'm hungry, I'm usually just thirsty and that I can become easily addicted to things even healthy activities like Hiking! I have found these two books to be extremely helpful in my journey to living a more fulfilling life and I am happy I can share them with you all.
Day 16: Happy Birthday Courtney! Today we hiked at Rock City Park in Olean with Sirius. Only one mile because Sirius couldn't settle down, but it was beautiful outside. Love October!
Day 15: Tuller Hill State Forest with Sirius
Today I went with Sirius to Tuller Hill State Forest! I had never been there before and I will definitely be back soon. There are tons of trails and roads throughout this forest and Sirius couldn't get enough of all the smells and sounds. We walked about four miles up and over the hill and then a long road walk back because darkness was settling on the forest.
Day 11: Hike with Brock at Labrador Unique Area
Today I got to hike again but this time with my brother Brock. Brock and I have always been close even though we disagree about just about everything. But on this trip we had great conversations about walking, family, dogs, and relationships. I see a lot of the same issues that I struggle with in Brock, he is an amazing person and doesn't always believe he deserves to be happy or is deserving of a great life. I find myself telling this story almost constantly in my head that I don't deserve to be happy or not thinking that I have earned people love. I know that these feelings have a taken a tole on me over the years but I am beginning to learn how to recognize that these stories are not based in reality and that people do love me and genuinely care and want to be around me. I see just how much people care every time they share a comment or a thumbs up on my posts. You all mean soo much to me and I really appreciate all the love and support on this journey.
Day 10:
Today I hiked at Robert Treman State Park. My amazing wife dropped me off at the park and stayed to play with Sirius. I hike up the Finger Lakes Trail and then back down the gorge trail. It was absolutely packed on the gorge trail, with soo many people. I felt bad passing all the people on the trail but I had places to be and miles to cover. Courtney picked me up at the East end of the park and then we tried to get Ice Cream but Purity was just as packed as the Treman. Oh well next time!
Day 4 Hike: Up Lick Brook Gorge down Buttermilk Gorge and back!
#hikeoctober
Today’s 8.2 mile hike took me around one of my favorite little loops in Ithaca. I started after a long day at school and was happy to get some bigger miles in my quest for 50 miles in the Hike for Mental Health fundraiser. Thank you again to all who have donated and I hope you enjoy the photos from my journey.
Today’s hike is dedicated to the youtube channel that inspired me to start my own challenge and where I learned about this charity, ADK Woods Walker. This Youtube channel is hosted by “Jay” “the ADK Woods Walker” who takes viewers on adventures in and around the Adirondack Park. The reason I love Jay’s channel is because he is a real, genuine, and vulnerable guy. I follow a lot of hiking Youtubers who are all about epic views, huge milage days, and counting every ounce of gear. Jay cares about having a fun, safe, and rewarding day or days on the trail. Jay is a family man who hikes with his friends, family, and youtube fans. He is approachable and has answered many questions that I have about hiking and youtubing.
In regards to mental health and hiking, Jay on occasion opens up to his viewers about his struggles on the trail. One episode in particular, Jay was hiking with his friends on the Northville Lake Placid Trail and he mentions to his viewers that he gets “nervous guts” or a feeling of anxiety about his hikes. His friends all open up about their own anxieties and it was a beautifully honest moment of men talking about their feelings for the entire world to see. (https://youtu.be/cGzLY9E9bX4?t=1384)
Jay’s channel has helped me a lot over the past year, and helped me in dealing with a lot of the fear and anxiety I had previously in regards to hiking and overnight camping alone. He and his friends are real people, not ultra-hikers with perfect bodies and the best gear. They are genuine good guys just enjoying the outdoors and helping others like myself along the way. Thank you Jay, I do hope to get out on the trail with you someday for a fan hike and again if you ever are in the Finger Lakes I’d love to show you and your friends some of my favorite trails!
~Bradley Benjamin
Day 3
Wow you all are so amazing! I reached my monitary goal of $500 in 3 days and I'm only 1/7th of the way done with my miles and with the month. After some soul searching and an online pole, where 98% of respondants said I should raise my monitary goal. So I'm here to announce my new goal to raise $1000 for the Hike for Mental Health.
If you would like to get involved you can donate any amount. If you'd like to share your story about living with mental health issues let me know and your story could be posted with one of my hikes. My goal here is to destigmatize the idea about talking about mental health issues and make others feel know they are not alone.
Thank you again to all of the people who have donated, your donations have been so generous and mean so much to me. I am blessed on so many levels.
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Day2
As I head out on the trail today I want to share some stories about my friend Matt Wilkinson, who passed away on September 19th. Matt had struggled with mental health issues since his teenage years and they continued to take a toll on his emotions and resilience throughout the years. I had been in contact with Matt sporadically as the years passed by but his death really shook me to my core and brought back feelings that I thought I had overcome years ago. I have reached out to Matt’s family and made sure it was ok that I talk about his battles with mental health. Laurice, Tracy and Khiry are amazing people who want to make sure everyone who is struggling with mental health issues seeks help and knows that they are loved.
Matthew Wilkinson or Magic Matt as I called him was one of my very first customers at Moonshadows tavern back in my bartending days. I had no experience behind a bar and Matt lived across the commons above Casa Blanca Pizzeria. Matt was a door guy at Lost Dog Cafe and a student at Ithaca College, he would often come into the bar during happy hours just to hang out. Moonshadow’s was dead in those days and I had zero customers so Matt and I would talk for hours about life, music, art, and the universe.
Matt rarely would get drinks but he would chat with me, help set up the bar, check ID’s if it ever got super busy. Matt mentioned to me that he had always had an interest in magic and card tricks, so he would show me a new trick every Friday. His antics would entertain the other customers and slowly more and more people started to come to happy hour. Matt, Alan, Brock and I started doing Friday karaoke at Moonies and Matt was a popular face often performing rock ballads on Stage with starlight.
Matt would show up earlier each week and help me get ready for happy hour, because he was so much more artistic than me he would fill out our signboard with the Happy Hour Specials. One time he filled out the sign board and then said he had to go get food and disappeared. I thought it was strange that he would leave like that but about two hours later, I had figured out why he had left. You see, Matt had filled out the signboard and placed it outside without me reading it and it said, “Come join bartender Brad for drinks. (He’s lonely, single, and sensitive to your needs!!!)” (See pictures) People had been walking by and waving, pointing, and laughing at me because of that sign for hours. After this betrayal, Matt and I began playing a series of practical jokes on each other, usually involving trying to find the other a date.
One happy hour I planned a trap for Magic Matt, I bet him he couldn’t balance a filled pint glass on his thumbs. I had him put his thumbs on the bar and when I set the filled glass on his thumbs I walked away. (see pictures) I left Matt there and told everyone else not to help him with the trick (he was a magician after all). Just then the bar got super busy and all of these people walked in while Matt stood in the middle of the bar stuck with no way to lift the pint glass, he stood there for about 20 minutes before the glass fell and broke. Although I thought I had gotten my revenge Matt would make sure to pay me back many more times.
I have so many other stories about Matt and I hope to share them in the future. But for now I have to go hiking. Matt was an amazing spirit, a creative genius, a terrific guitarist and sign board artist. He loved other people soo much and always put their feelings before his own. He was filled with empathy and carried a tremendous amount of pain and sadness around with him. He rarely put those emotions on display for the world to see. He always was smiling or had a goofy look on his face (See pictures). Matt wanted and succeeded to be loved by everyone that met him. He was a great friend, brother, and son and I miss him very much. I’m upset that I won’t be able to call him anymore and for him to tell me about films he is shooting or plan trips that he would always cancel. But I will never forget the good times Matt and I had together in Ithaca. On September 28th I made a donation to the Finger Lakes Land Trust in Matthew’s Honor. Every time I hike through a land trust property from now on, I will think of Matt and share a story of ours with the world.
I Love you Matt. I love you Laurice, Tracy, and Khiry. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m here if you need anything.
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts don’t hesitate and call the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK.
day 1.
First hike of October:
4.5 miles at Fillmore Glen State Park October 2nd, 2020
The first hike of October is in the books and I’m on my way to 50 miles in the Hike for Mental Health challenge. It was a beautiful late afternoon for a hike, the clouds cleared up just in time for the sun to peek through and make the fall colors pop. I have found hiking and photography to be extremely healing for me and a very powerful tool in dealing with my mental health issues.
That is right I Bradley Benjamin have mental health issues. Actually, I have had mental health issues most of my life. I have and continue to suffer from bouts of depression, addiction, eating disorders, and anxiety. “Wow what a catch!” I have and continue to live one of the most privileged and blessed lives, anyone has ever lived. I have an amazing life with wonderful parents, grandparents, friends, family, and the most amazing partner I could have ever asked for in Courtney. I went to wonderful schools, have worked amazing jobs, and traveled to places exotic around the globe. I am the luckiest person on the planet and still, when I go to bed at night I don’t love the person I have become.
I feel shame for people I have hurt, people I have picked on, lies I have told and those late-night meals I sneak. I hate the fact that I have abused my body by smoking cigarettes for 15 years, drinking alcohol in excess in my late 20’s, and an unhealthy relationship with food my entire life. I thought this was my life. I thought it was normal and I thought I didn't need help. I thought wrong.
It wasn’t until I was 34 that I began to realize “Hey, I need some help. I want to be a better human and I want to love me.” It was then I started hiking, and quit smoking for good. Sadly, my smoking addiction was replaced with eating and the weight started to add up. Food became my new addiction, and food also became a comforting friend through some difficult times. Although I have learned to manage my relationship with alcohol and nicotine, I’m still working on my relationship with food and I am continuing to build a healing relationship with eating. I have had a lot of help on this journey including working with a therapist and love and support from family and friends.
In short, I’m a work in progress who is deserving of love and affection. I use hiking as a tool for my healing and I love sharing my hikes and my pictures with other people. I hope by sharing my struggles with mental health it inspires others to reach out and know that you are not alone. It will get better, and I LOVE YOU!
~Thank you for the support, and if you would like to donate thank you so much. Also, if you would like to share your story about struggles with mental health I would be extremely grateful and it would help to destigmatize the topic.
HIKE for Mental Health is a recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit founded on the vision of a world in which everyone, including those who suffer mental illness, can find the simple joy of living.
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